digital journal/blog

1/4/2024:

while cyclically spinning and searching around in my head at work today, i decided to start writing here. using the notes app on my phone is efficient, but i figured this would be a productive way to convey my thoughts about art, movies, politics, criticism, morality, music, business, literature, reviews, analysis, poetry, essays, and many many many fun, interesting things. i will be beyond surprised if anyone decides to read any of this. if you are, welcome 🙂 this is a safe space.

1/5/2024:

felt like posting some of my film analysis scripts from last year! so here’s my script for The Truman Show:

When The Truman Show was released in 1998, it may have been seen as a dystopian, surreal film that transports the viewer into a false reality. But if you watch the film now, you may find that there are many prophetic similarities to our current world. Although there is still much that separates our world from the artificiality that Truman exists in, so many of the themes in this film find relevancy in modern times.

 This movie doesn’t scream its message at us. It doesn’t explain the inner-workings of this fake world created for Truman Burbank to live in — at least not until much later. In The Matrix, we are given an explanation of the mechanics of the false reality that Neo wakes up from early on the in story. This creates an understanding of how the characters navigate their environment and allows the viewer to have an expectation for future events. Unlike The Matrix, we aren’t fully aware of the world being slowly unveiled around Truman. It’s revealed to the viewer in subtle moments that show the inner workings of the never-ending, “reality TV show” style livestream of Truman’s life. We are watching from the perspective of a camera hidden inside his car radio, a fish-eye camera inside of an actor’s clothing, and even a camera on the other side of a one-way mirror in his bathroom. The camera shakes with abrupt motion when Truman sees behind the scenes of the set recording his every move, and this feels like we are watching from the perspective of a reality TV show. This film is cohesive and grounded in its cinematography techniques, while still using unique shots to express different messaging within the environment.

The pacing of this film is perfectly timed to convey the progression of Truman’s awakening. Jim Carrey’s performance as Truman Burbank comes across as artificially friendly and somewhat creepy in the beginning of the film. Later we realize his character is a victim of his environment that was crafted intricately for him to believe it is truly authentic. He breaks the fourth wall several times by looking directly at the camera and waving — almost as if he is a host or TV personality presenting a show for an audience. This is only because everyone he has ever known is a paid actor used to convince him he is living a life not being broadcast to millions watching around the world. They frequently display consumer goods and verbally advertise perfectly framed products, even while Truman is around. As long as he is unaware of the falseness of his reality, these characters are allowed to blatantly sell everything they can to viewers watching. The power of advertising is the driving force behind everything in this film. The Truman Show only exists to portray a likable personality and attach him to products without his knowledge.

There is a rise of conflict that climaxes at the point when Truman realizes his family, friends, and entire life has been a lie. His power dynamics with the show he is held captive in shift once a few vital production slip-ups occur. If you pay close attention, we are shown that his world is fake early on in several occasions. Details like posters on the walls conveying a disdain towards travel and exploration. Flashbacks to his childhood elaborate on the backstory that created his fear of water. Truman’s world exists to keep him occupied within it. He is only able to disobey his world once he realizes that something is off. Its most likely that

The set design and practical effects are reminiscent of liminal spaces that deny the viewer any source of humanity. They lack depth and contain narrow streets with pastel-colored homes that somehow still feel colorless. Shades of light blue and yellow are common in the flamboyant yet dull small-town Truman is contained in. His clothing reflects this color palette as well. His light-yellow sweater vest and bluish-green tie are indicators that Truman truly conformed to his fake world. He is oblivious to how his false reality is manipulating everything from his fashion choices to his speech and relationship dynamics.

Comedy is used to amplify the satirical nature of consumerism and capitalism in this film. Jim Carrey’s over-the-top performance works perfectly to convey an overly theatrical character straight out of an 80’s sitcom. He frequently smiles with a toothy grin that almost seems to mock the audience. Truman doesn’t begin his true character development until the middle of the film. This happens when he starts to notice the cracks in the system built for him exclusively. But this doesn’t mean he isn’t a flesh out character to begin with. He’s portrayed as a relatable character that is seemingly a representation of the average man.

Religious references compose most of the metaphors in this film. The creator of Truman’s world, Christoff, often speaks to Truman through the outer layers of the man-made dome that presents itself as the sky, like a God. Christoff is in full control of everything from the weather to the time of day. This means nothing happens by accident in this world. Truman is being controlled by invisible strings being puppeteered from a higher being. Every action is perfectly timed to keep Truman from questioning the state of his reality. Traffic appears out of nowhere to block a specific pathway that may reveal a greater truth to him. People stand in his way and act as if they are awkwardly making their way around him. It becomes surreal to watch these purposeful inconveniences occur.

Truman is the only authentic thing in his world. Once he began to question the falseness of his reality, he realized the rabbit-hole goes way deeper than he thought. He lived blissfully unaware of the manipulative tactics used to keep him from being truly free. In the end he chooses to sacrifice the safe, predictable, but ultimately dull world created for him to escape into a world that may be much crueler to him. But it’s this choice that relates to the way modern day entertainment consumption creates similar narratives. Being able to decide what information given to the public is based on the truth and what is false has become more difficult than ever. Truman was a walking endorsement of products sold to an audience that didn’t stop to question if it was morally right to watch a man live a life of lies. Product placement, advertising, and subliminal messages in media are responsible for persuading people to make choices that benefit large corporations. Just as the Truman Show’s clothing catalog was shown to market products to consumers watching the show, the same treatment is applied to modern day content. The Truman Show foreshadowed events that may have been laughable at the time but seem all too familiar now. But we always have a choice to act as Truman does in the end.

and here’s my script for Nightcrawler:

There are many times when a film can make you celebrate the victories of an antagonist. It’s interesting when a villainous character acts in immoral ways, but it still somehow feels satisfying when they get away with it. Lou Bloom is not one of those characters. Nightcrawler shows us how an evil character can be portrayed through the lens of a successful entrepreneur. It’s a film that distorts Lou’s world in a way that almost justifies his actions. Even when he is exploiting those around him and using innocent people’s deaths to climb the ladder, there is still a theme of an “inspirational success story” being told throughout. We are exploring this world from Lou’s perspective… and whenever he makes a decision we see it being validated in the same moment he decides to justify it.

There are several ways our perspective is warped to convey Lou’s state of mind. Whenever he sees an opportunity to advance in his career, he takes it. He is a master of taking what he can get, the bare minimum, and creating something beneficial from it. Never does this film feel like things are getting out of control for him. Even when there is tension building as he nearly gets caught in the act, he remains calm and dominates those that question his motives. Several moments early in the film make us realize that Lou completely understands the invasive and unethical actions he takes to climb up the corporate ladder. It’s also in these moments we realize he doesn’t care if he is morally right or wrong. There is an unnerving sense of danger that never lets down in this film. We fully know what Lou is capable of and seeing him interact with characters that aren’t aware of his capabilities is horrifying. The film is constantly making us aware of his unpredictable nature.

You’d think the scenes of manipulation, exploitation, and murder would be accompanied by a dark, moody soundtrack, but that is far from the case. There are bright, hopeful strings that swell alongside imagery of Lou threatening, mistreating, and abusing people. When uplifting music plays during the manipulative interactions Lou has with his peers, it seems like the film wants us to perceive his deceptiveness as some sort of persistent, hard-working charm. Conflict is portrayed as challenges that Lou needs to overcome to succeed in his field. From an outside perspective, it is obvious that Lou is committing terrible acts to get what we wants. But from our point of view, the moments where his sociopathic behavior is at its peak are also the moments we see him being rewarded.

It’s no coincidence that most of this film takes place at night. The scenes during the daytime are almost like articulated set-up for the horrors unleashed at night. There is a purposeful use of lighting and color to convey Lou’s intentions. Several moments show his face lit up only by a solid, bright hue of light blue or stark white, while the background is composed of dark blues. The bright flash from his camera almost acts as his vision, detaching him from the reality that is right in front of the lens. This seems done to externally show how Lou’s ideas are manifested through his actions. Streetlights illuminate the city with sickly greens and artificial yellows. This intentionally immerses the viewer in a world that not only allows Lou to commit crimes, but somewhat encourages him to do so.

Lou is inspired by the darkness around him and the intentional misinformation that the media feeds to people. Not only does he conform to enhance the spread of misinformation in the media, he elevates it to levels beyond what the networks can even allow. His purposeful movement of dead bodies and strategic capturing of crime scenes remind us that this is not a tragedy to him, but rather an aesthetic. The film progressively shows us how a mistrusting, distorted world can take an already disturbed individual and make them fully unhinged. It also confronts us with the real-world media propaganda that can influence our daily rituals and treatment of others. Lou is a character that never considered if what he was doing was honest or ethical, he just saw a way to create something for himself. When he *spoiler alert* ends up setting up the death of his illegitimate “intern”, he gives him a speech about being trustworthy and honorable while he takes his finals breaths. And that speech is an accurate summary of the characters and worldbuilding that Nightcrawler creates. “The true price of success if what you’re willing to pay for it.”

that’s enough of that. although i’m late to the party, i did create a letterbox account today, so expect some more movie blabbering for a while. i struggled with regret today. i never was the type of person to have any regrets, let alone ruminate on the past in general, but today made me realize i was really careless in the past few years. i didn’t prioritize certain goals and it’s clear to me now that i’m suffering as a result. i’m not anywhere close to where i want to be in my life, and i have no one to blame but myself. sometimes i think maybe things would be different if i listened to different music? connected with different people? it’s dangerous to mess with “what ifs” though. all we can do is be more aware, intentional, and persistent.

1/6/2024

my favorite albums of all time….

1. nirvana – nevermind
2. elliott smith – self titled
3. kanye west – yeezus
4. frank ocean – blonde
5. modest mouse – the moon and antarctica
6. elliott smith – xo
7. radiohead – in rainbows
8. radiohead – ok computer
9. elliott smith – from a basement on the hill
10. pixies – doolittle
11. mk.gee – two star and the dream police
12. kanye west – graduation
13. jeff buckley – grace
14. linkin park – meteora
15. sufjan stevens – carrie and lowell
16. jay-z – the blueprint
17. michael jackson – thriller
18. radiohead – kid a
19. bjork – post
20. the fray – how to save a life
21. arthur russell – world of echo
22. nirvana – in utero
23. john frusciante – to record only water for ten days
24. crystal castles – self titled
25. kids see ghosts – self titled
26. pheobe bridgers – punisher
27. red hot chili peppers – californication
28. dijon – absolutely
29. kanye west – donda
30. crystal castles – III
31. kanye west – college dropout
32. mgmt – oracular spectacular
33. mariah carrey – daydream
34. the beatles – rubber soul
35. aphex twin – selected ambient works
36. sibylle baier – colour green
37. pusha t – daytona
38. vampire weekend – contra
39. nas – illmatic
40. adele – 25
41. roy blair – cat heaven
42. american football – self titled
43. aphex twin – drukqs
44. elliott smith – either/or
45. the beatles – help
46. michael jackson – bad
47. radiohead – hail to the thief
48. kanye west – the life of pablo
49. the microphones – the glow, pt. 2
50. C418 – minecraft – volume alpha
51. mac miller – swimming
52. pheobe bridgers – stranger in the alps
53. the beatles – revolver
54. mf doom – mm food
55. the strokes – the new abnormal
56. kid cudi – man on the moon
57. fiona apple – extraordinary machine
58. stevie wonder – songs in the key of life
59. nirvana – incesticide
60. dominic fike – what could possibly go wrong
61. aphex twin – selected ambient works, vol. II
62. jay-z, kanye west – watch the throne
63. the beatles – let it be
64. a$ap rocky – at.long.last.a$ap
65. kid cudi – passion, pain, and demon slayin’
66. bon iver – self titled
67. neutral milk hotel – in the aeroplane over the sea
68. kanye west – 808s and heartbreak
69. fleetwood mac – rumours
70. green day -american idiot
71. bob dylan – bringing it all back home
72. lou reed – transformer
73. pink floyd – the wall
74. chance the rapper – acid rap
75. grateful dead – american beauty

goals for 2024:

1. connect with professors
2. connect with dma departments staff
3. apply to art shows
4. contact art galleries
5. read more books
6. apply for internships
7. gain preparation/art instruction experience with kevin/jc
8. draw several times a week/start new sketchbook
9. paint very often
10. finish letterbox watchlist
11. cook meals at home daily/eat healthy
12. save money/don’t buy bullshit
13. wash face every other night
14. get full-time job/quit gallery attendant position
15. move out/live in apartment in east dallas
16. promote art on reddit
17. gain art traction/engagment on instagram
18. post art on instagram
19. make polymer clay figures
20. find new music/make playlists